All is not always as it seems

Just a quick reminder, which definitely has the possibility to turn into a very lengthy, ranty and rambly post, so take that as your pre-warning (haha)!


Just because people don't post the entirety of their life on social media to be fed to and scrutinised by the public eye, doesn't mean that things aren't going on behind the scenes. It doesn't mean that this person is absolutely fine, but nor does it mean that they're not.

There are many times I have been accused of lying about things or not telling the full story. Truth be told, it's no skin off my nose. People will only see what they want to see and will interpret anything they see/read/hear however they want to, no matter how much or how little you post or say. I posted on Saturday saying about a new diagnosis that I'd had and how fab my consultant is for going above and beyond to get me some answers, despite him not specialising in the specific area that I contacted him regarding. I then had several people message me asking what my new diagnosis is, then when I didn't reply I was called 'rude', 'arrogant' and 'attention seeking' by a fair few. Again, no skin off of my nose because at the end of the day if those people actually cared then they'd have appreciated that maybe I don't want to talk about certain things, and those who know me would've just appreciated the fact that I have a consultant in my team who is amazing enough to do something as huge as he did for me. Because those that know me, know the struggles that I have had - and still do have - with many of the consultants that I am under. The post itself was an appreciation post, not a 'I've got a new diagnosis but I'm not going to tell anyone about it' because quite frankly I really don't care. New diagnoses don't really faze me anymore, it's just something else to add to the never-ending list of what doesn't work with my body anymore.

Some days I go quiet on Facebook and people panic,  thinking something has happened. Which in all fairness is understandable given that I normally post 204872958 times a day. But some times I'm 'ok' physically, I'm just not in the mood to talk to anybody and I'm mentally exhausted from pretending to be okay when I'm not. When that happens, I'm known to sleep for days on end and only wake to feed Isla (which funnily enough is only ever really when she's awake, too, haha. She likes her sleep! 'Sleep , eat, repeat' is very much her mantra!). Pain is also absolutely knackering. I actually forget that it's not normal to sleep for the most part of a day and wake up feeling like you've not slept for weeks. It wasn't until someone said to me last week "how can you still be so tired when you've slept all day?!" that I remembered that it is, in fact, not 'normal'. I guess these things - though abnormal they may be - become our normality. It's not normal, but it's a normality for many people with chronic illness(es).

I can't actually remember where I was going with this post so I'll just leave it at that I think because my brain (or lack thereof) has gone to sleep on me now. My potassium has dropped again today so when I started this post this morning I was much more 'with it' than I am right now! Sorry for the pointless post, I've completely forgot what I was going to say apart from to all remember that all is not always as it seems. You can pretend to be happy when you're not, and you're entitled to do so. Just as you're entitled to not explain every single aspect of your life if you do not feel the need - or feel comfortable enough - to do so.

Keeley. x